Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Restaurant Impossible: A Show Review




If you haven't seen the show, Restaurant Impossible, on the Food Network, it basically goes like this: They find the crappiest restaurants in America and chef/body builder Robert Irvine goes and yells them into being successful.

And they have to do sooo many push-ups


It's no secret that the worlds worst investments are restaurants, pay phones, and paintball supply stores. You'll find me opening up a phone book printing business before a restaurant--not that I don't have great ideas (in my restaurant you get to throw your plates across the room when you're done)...but because of the amount of work and smarts it takes to be successful in such a competitive business. 

What I like about the show is that Irvine takes a few hours in between reps to go point out how horrible these restaurant owners are at, well, owning restaurants. He shouts and he yells and the best part is the owners don't do it back because if they do, Chef Robert will sneak into their homes in the middle of the night and shoot them with a crossbow. Occasionally, a staffer with a nothing-to-lose attitude will get mouthy, but the editors keep that ridiculous shit on the cutting room floor where it belongs. 

The renovations are mostly for hiding the bodies of insubordinate waiters. 

And we love it...and I love it. Every Restaurant Impossible show is a classic mentor teaches student how not to be an idiot tale. Think Karate Kid here except Mr. Miyagi is bowed up British guy and Daniel LaRusso is whichever poor souls are barely keeping their restaurant afloat this week and might actually be Ralph Macchio. And instead of doing chores around an old man's house to get really good at regular, non-magical karate, they're shutting the hell up while Irvine shouts a new paint job onto the walls. Nevermind, don't think about the Karate Kid at all. 

And I was also in My Cousin Vinny and more tv shows than you can even count to!


At the end of two days, the sucky restaurant is ready to make billions of dollars. And we all feel happier for watching the metamorphosis. We feel better knowing the bumbling owners are now ready to man up and take the reins. We feel better knowing Chef Robert came in drop kicked better food into the kitchen. We feel better knowing that no matter how sucky our lives might get, there's a chance some reality show out there might swoop in to save us.

And the naysayers cry, "But what happens after the TV leaves????"

Who cares? Those people are certainly better off and we only have one week until a whole new episode. 

Of course, you can check the Restaurant Impossible follow-ups right here if you're a super nerd.